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1/7/14
BMSD
Opportunity Divide
In the city of Orange, I have witnessed too many cases where fellow peers
and adults are silently suffering from the lack of technology. When faced with
this nefarious, un-avoidable truth, the feeling of “why” is too much for one to answer or comprehend, so one can only ask how. How can one -in a society that promises everyone a fair chance at chasing a dream; in a society so advanced in technology that it even gloats about our success inour media and entertainment- succeed if they are denied the tools of what has become a necessity? Did they merely fall off the bandwagon; waiting for the next one to come along, or at least smart enough to slowly follow the dim treads left behind(Rephrase this.)? If so, was the bandwagon over-encumbered, the tickets rigged so only half of us, not chosen randomly, but born into access, are able to ride the bandwagon of success? It’s beyond unfair, it’s immoral, and it’s a growing problem not only witnessed in the city of Orange, but a pandemic that exists all across all across America.

Herbert Spencer was an English philosopher, biologist, anthropologist, sociologist, and prominent classical liberal political theorist of the Victorian Era?; Born in April 27, 1820, who justified why the poor stay in poverty and the rich stay wealthy. In his own words, he classified and believed such a common scenario (of his time and ours alike) was called Social Darwinism, which was the idea that the level of how far your ability can bring you cannot reach beyond the limits for which you are born with; "survival of the fittest,” were with animals, only genetics determine who wins the game of life. For us, it is a roll with a three sided dice for which tunnel we are pushed from, destines being rich, poor, or (which only apply in our society today) lucky. This philosophy viewed as today is somewhat outrageous and it is a proven fact that the setting of the story cannot change how the story is told… but for how long? This simple philosophy completely goes against what a capitalistic society promotes; it erases the hope for those of us who want to succeed in life. It destroyed the bridge for us to cross; defines Noah’s ark as not being big enough to carry every animal of this world, and the biggest all this, opportunity divide -which will inevitability make social Darwinism true for our society- takes away our chances to fight for success. Not only is this paragraph unclear in some parts, but you also need to figure out why this paragraph sounds differently than the one before it. I'm sitting here reading it and it "feels" like someone else wrote it. Try to maintain a consistent writing style so it isn't a jarring transition from one paragraph to another.

If such a problem is not dealt with, the consequences are dire. I -like every non-psychic (or better yet just remove non-psychic from the sentence) human being- confess to not having the ability to delve into the future, but I do possess the ability to study the causes of our history. It will take rocket scientists to explore our accessibility (try to find a word that fits better, I won't change it)when it comes to creating new renewable resources, and it will take doctors to treat those of us who end up in “not so gracious” situations. The question is: how many Rocket scientists and doctors will it take as years go by? However, it does not take a rocket scientist or doctor to determine that if our problem continues to grow, due the fact that a lot more people will be left behind as our society advances, the less of them there will be because of the lack of opportunity that will be available to everyone(tighten your example up, its a little bit vague but I think I understand what you are saying. However, I suggest you leave nothing to chance). My evidence, which stemsfrom a similar outcome formed when the neglected simply cannot “stay hidden,” are the events related to 16th century Asia. Call it as you will, an exaggeration; surely no such pandemic as the great plague will spread as fast as the lack of our opportunities. But who will be stopping such a pandemic in the future if not even our children have the technology to study the profession of a doctor, or an engineer, or even to meet the standards our society requires of today?

We reach out. We as a race help one-another. As Herbert Spencer went through his life becoming successful and wealthy in many things, he missed the opportunity to learn that we are all human; regardless of where you are born, and what you are born into. We all deserve a chance, and in the city of Orange, the state of New Jersey, the United States of America, declared to be a capitalistic, democratic society, we are given (I highly suggest you use the word owed instead)the right to have a chance at success. To fight back against the opportunity divide which is slowly taking that right away from us, to help those families that cannot give their child the technology they will need to not fall of the bandwagon, to give that child a fair chance, you make sure that a whole area has access to the same resources those born with much more available to them. Don’t do it because you fear that it may harm you in the future, but do it because everyone deserves a chance to at least compete on even ground to attain success on this snow globe we call earth.
 
Work Cited
http://www.Google.com/Herbert Spencer
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I Wrote this essay in response to Recent reports of opportunity divide that the corporation of Microsoft has asked my school to address in my area.

Just wondering, before i submit this to Microsoft, along with the form i filled out to go on a trip to see their HQ, (and hopefully win some up-to-date technology for my school) if the very intelligent people of this community would review my essay to spot any grammatical or punctuation errors, or even give advice on how i could improve this essay.


Thank you.

P.S. it was double spaced and i didn't know how to convert it directly from my Microsoft word format without using a 3rd party link, so... tried to make it a less strain on the eyes.
-the truth

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