Dear Astro-Santa.

When I was a child, I was always thought well of your job, however, as I've grown up it seems you've been slacking off, presents are no longer appearing out of nowhere, and I instead have to leave my humble abode to venture into the fearful public to do this torturous task of 'Christmas shopping'.

Why must I embark on this? Why has this atrocious gift giving thing become popular? It's so hard. It'd be much easier if I could just give people money, but for some queer reason society often frowns upon such actions. The shops are lined with gimmick items which serve no purpose or use other than frittering money away or dressing up for the occasion, which is only acceptable for only a few weeks of the year, rendering the item useless for the rest (yes, I'm talking to you, Christmas themed sweaters).

Furthermore, people litter the streets, trying to sell me 'Big Issues' constantly and pushing pieces of paper about 'God' and Christmas about them. I'm not sure who this 'God' chap is, but he sounds like a naysayer and a charlatan in the eyes of the great adum? I understand you're busy this time of year, but I suggest stuffing his stoking with coal, as he's clearly been a bad boy.

Please Astro-Santa, return to work so that I and everyone else don't have to participate in this obscenity again.

Yours faithfully, Blue Dwarf.