Dear Astro-Santa,

The letter you just received from Kanga is fake news.

Signed,
Doran!

Dear Astro-Santa,

This christmas I'm unable to hunt down Astro-Grinch due to a malfunction in the maneuvring systems of my spaceship. I know how much trouble he makes up in Perilous Space, so I'm just hoping that there are other Sonatians out there who can deal with Astro-Grinch's humbuggery. However, I've heard that you're looking for help in returning some of your elves to Lapland. I'll try to do my best in assisting you this universe,
but for this I'm myself in need of some help from you.

If you could supply me with a new hull expander for my ship, I would be able to store away all my scrap and rubble which is floating around in my ship inventory. A cleaner and bigger ship hull would mean I could transport more elves at the same time, and they would also have a more comfortable ride to Lapland.

Now I need to install some new Red Christmas Lights on my ship, so that you can see me coming when I arrive at Lapland.

Have a merry christmas!

Signed,
Doran!

Dear Space Santa,

Please bring back c1 and all its awesome t20 pvp

Signed,

flo02

Dear Astro Santa,

Tis I, your favorite devious timelord, the one and only Chrono. I know you missed me!

Now, I know we may have gotten off on the wrong foot last Christmas, with all the threats and namecalling on my part. However, I wanted to let you know that I have genuinely changed since then. My heart grew at least 15 sizes last Christmas, and now with my enlarged aorta, I plan to march to the beat of the genuine goodness that flows from within... To that end, I'd like to give something back to you, come on down to the Christmas Cannery on Earth Central station on Christmas day and I'll buy you a nice peasant steak with a side of space oat coleslaw and some fine space whiskey nog. I just wanted to show you how genuinely I appreciate your efforts to get me what I ask for every year...

...who am I kidding, you've never really gotten me anything ever! Last Christmas I said that you got me what I wanted, but that was a lie, the truth is I FARMED FOR THAT ANGER AUG. My blood, sweat, and tears floated out the airlock trying to get that stupid dragon to drop the essence of his vexation. So you know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna take you down Santa, I am going to expose the truth of what you are to the universe. The fact that you're a lying scumbag intent on destroying the hopes and dreams of every noob, scrub, and pleb in the cosmos will no longer be shielded behind the veil of ignorance!

It's really too bad too, I had such a good lineup of what I wanted for Christmas. My list included a couple gift wrapped exploits I could report so that I can get mods on my Bule Eradicator's cloak, a sweater with Hober Mallow's nerf face on it, and a calendar that has a picture of an adamantium kit suntanking on a different star for every month. I carefully crafted this list to perfection and come to find out you won't ever get me any of it because you are a filthy con man!

Now, I don't know who you are. I don't know what you want. If you are looking to harvest the hopes and dreams of little aspiring scrublords everywhere to power your nightmarish schemes I can tell you I don't have any, but what I do have are a very particular set of skills. Skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you. If you get me what I want for Christmas this year that'll be the end of it. I will not look for you, I will not pursue you, but if you don't, I will look for you, I will find you and I will hand you over to the grinch bound and gagged, but not before I eat all your cookies and milk in front of your sorry excuse for a jolly physique.

Now you may be thinking to yourself, "Didn't some guy say that in a movie?" To which I would respond, "I'm a timelord, I say everything first!"

I'm coming for you Santa, and nothing, not even your well-armed elf militia or your scary abominable snowman is gonna keep me from kicking your entitled buttocks.

Indubitably yours,

~ Chrono

Dear Santa,

Please fix the terrible trade slave UI.

Decel

Dear Astro Santa,

I understand that you're a busy being and surely have little time for the politics of plebeian players, so I wrote a haiku to keep you informed of current events:

BvB in progress,
is not an exploit,
when suns tank.

As for myself, all I want this Christmas is a mining splash weapon to spread the holiday cheer!

Signed,
The Salty One

Dear Astro Santa

I only have one wish for this christmas.

For winter to never end.

In summer I would have to get a job and work. I'd also have to go outside and have awkward interactions. I would prefer cold weather so I can just stay indoors and play all day.

-Blizzara

Dear Astro Santa,

I only made my account the other day and to be honest - this game has changed my perception of Christmas. I used to think that it was all about giving, enjoying time with family and unwinding from the stress and struggles of our faced paced world.

My time in the Nexus has shown me the way.

I want rations. Those things are god damn amazing. I just fill my hull up with them and they're gone by the time I get back to a spacebase because I have eaten them all.

The problem is, the Volcom pirates keep attacking me as I search for my sweet sweet nectar.

Any chance you can help me out here bud? I'd even settle for a stronger Cadet's Beam to take those ration-pinatas down!

Yours unsatiated,

South